Guitarists

Just some neat Photoshop stuff today.

Eric Clapton


Jimi Hendrix

Jimmy Page

Yngwie Malmsteen

John Fogerty

More stuff soon.

Did somebody say Led Zeppelin?

In a recent Rolling Stone issue, the writers took a joking try at pinning a new Led Zeppelin front man, after seeing that Robert Plant would not join up with the band if they were to take another stab at touring. I'm sure the writer was kidding, but I was absolutely appalled by some of his or her "decisions"--because I knew they might sound like good ideas to some people.

Amy Winehouse? T-Pain?!?!

Let's only hope they were joking.

I have some ideas as to who should replace Robert, but first, let me give another personal recommendation, about percussion: drop Little Bonham, pick up Dave Grohl.

Just check this out:


Next, my personal selections for lead singer?

Andrew Stockdale:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97aj4xVT9wY

Apparently, they won't let me embed this one, but let me tell you: Wolfmother exudes pure hard rock energy. Sexy, heavy, wry, bluesy, trippy, angry--everything that made Zeppelin, Deep Purple, and AC/DC great is brought up anew in Wolfmother.

Steven Tyler:


Now, look over what I wrote about Andrew Stockdale. Bluesy, funny, heavy, blah blah blah; yeah, Steven's got it in spades. I won't deny him my recommendation; he's got talent as a singer (although admittedly, I cringe at the idea of him replacing Robert,) but as a showman, he's really fantastic. I know, I know, he's still in Aerosmith, but I read somewhere that Jimmy even rehearsed with the guy!

Bruce Dickinson:


Yeah, I know, he's still with Iron Maiden. Same problem as Steven. But while we're talking about vocal talent, let's not forget him, right? With the addition of being a great singer, he's also got a magnificent stage presence. That's important.

Ronnie James Dio:


I know, another metal guy who's got a current engagement, but listen to his voice! He's an absolutely soulful master. Keep yer tabs on this one--I'd love to see a Page/Jones/Grohl/Dio tour some day.

Jack Black:


Hey, why not? Don't let his sense of humor fool you; he's a purely kickass singer!

And finally:


I couldn't help it. This little guy is just so adorable.

UPDATE (2/14/09): Apparently, the Led Zeppelin tour is a no-go. Well, at least we won't have to worry about Robert being replaced.

Led Zeppelin

This is a 1973 recording of "Black Dog" in which the band is in perfect form. Robert Plant's sensual vocals contrast richly with Jimmy Page's heavy, frustrated guitar and John Paul Jones' bluesy, understated bass. John Bonham's drums bring it together with their strong, powerful motions.

One thing stays true throughout all of their music. I suppose one could call it "soul," if they wanted to. I would. Don't ask me to describe it or define it, but it's there. The instruments, the vocals; every sound is alive. Every sound thinks, feels, and moves with the listener.

This is a recording of "In the Light," off of the album Physical Graffiti.

If I'm wrong about any of this stuff, and I'm sure that I am, please don't be too mean to me.

Taking a page from Jacob's book of advice...

After a lot of tumult in my life, it became apparent that I needed some help with my problem. It was determined that I had a dangerous addiction to whoop-shooping, and so urgent help was needed. Instead of paying for rehab or counseling, we decided to turn to a cheap alternative. That's when Nintendo stepped in. Introducing the latest in the line of Wii software, and from the makers of WiiSandwich, comes WiiTherapy, a new paradigm in the psychological care industry.


WiiTherapy is the latest self-help game from Nintendo. Labeled by reviewers as "impressive," "highly marketable," and "a little cheesy," WiiTherapy is quickly making strides in the industry. WiiTherapy uses a remarkable new process of psychological evaluation known as a WiiMentalProfile, to determine, in a quick and easy way, exactly what your problems are, and how to fix them. It then uses these to create a predetermined "prescription" of helpful mini-games in order to solve all of your problems in no more than two weeks flat!

Don't take our word for it, though. Check out these customer testimonials (from REAL customers!)



Name: Jacob Ospa
Age: 21
Occupation: Dentist
"When I first got WiiTherapy, I was worried that my results would be both frightening and publicly available. Luckily, my results were both comforting and confidential, meaning that I didn't lose my medical practice, and the government didn't steal my computer or my collection of "erotic art," some of which features "underaged" men and women. Thank you WiiTherapy, for keeping my secrets under wraps."





Name: Son Goku
Age: Nobody can quite tell anymore.
Power Level: OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Rage problems are hard on me and my loved ones, and PTSD is just as much of a struggle. Fortunately, WiiTherapy has just the right mixture of mini-games, schlock, kitsch, and medical expertise to get me back on my feet again, fighting dangerous aliens and eating magic beans in two weeks flat. Now, thanks to WiiTherapy, I can walk around in my own home without breaking shit, or beating my wife. Thank you WiiTherapy."



Name: Kermit the Frog
Age: 53 puppet-frog years
Favorite TV Show: Sam and Friends (1954)
"Alcoholism is a serious problem. When I started falling down on the streets and whoring myself out for sadistic pig dominatrices just for an extra two bucks, I realized that I had really hit rock bottom. WiiTherapy is ideal for addiction counseling, and it really allowed me to recognize my true potential. Now I've come to terms with my homosexuality, and given up the bottle. I finally feel comfortable with telling people that I get hands crammed up my ass for a living!"



Now that you've read some of the exciting true-life stories of real WiiTherapy customers, don't you think it's time you give it a try? I know I did, and look at me now! I'm sitting at the top of the world, writing a blog that nobody reads at 3:11 AM, Eastern Standard Time (GMT-4 hours.)

Buy WiiTherapy. It's that helpful.

IGN- 10.0/10.0
"WiiTherapy is the most exciting development in gaming software in years. It's at least ten times better than Halo was when it first came out."

GameSpot-15.0/10.0
"Move over GTA IV, there's a new game in town and its name is WiiTherapy. In addition to being a good game on the Wii, it also makes me feel good about my daddy-issues!"

Gamer.nl-98/100
De menselijke WiiTherapy bestaat uit drie zwellichamen twee aan weerszijden bovenin (de corpora cavernosa - enkelvoud: corpus cavernosum), en een aan de onderzijde van de penis (het corpus spongiosum). Deze derde is groter dan de eerste twee en kegelvormig. Hij vormt aan de voorzijde van de penis de zeer gevoelige eikel. De eikel wordt beschermd door de voorhuid een losse huidflap die naar achteren kan schuiven en daarbij de eikel vrijlegt. Om verschillende culturele, religieuze en medische redenen wordt de voorhuid soms gedeeltelijk of geheel verwijderd; dit wordt besnijdenis of circumcisie genoemd.


I've really lost my mind, haven't I?

Wii Would like to play...

From the makers of WiiSports, WiiPlay, WiiParty, and WiiFat, comes WiiShoop, the latest in the line of gimmicky Wii software. WiiTards rejoice as four-player co-op shooping takes place on-line or in the same fucking room! Brilliant, right?

Mah very 1st post evar!!!!!!!1111oneoneone

First off, I would like to conglaturate Jacob on the excellent work he did on his first post. However, I'm ready to maek a few changes for his sake. This is only to make his blog moar internets-ready. Let's-a go!

Mah very 1st post evar!!!!!!!1111oneoneone

Just liek Little Jimmy Paper (moar liek Little Jewy Paper, amirite?) here, mah blog wants 2 grow up big'n'lulzy. But in order for that to happen, it will need OVER 9000 of food, water, time, care, and lots and lots of COMMENT PLZ KTHX. If I do not charge this lazer, and keep it well-maintained and well-oiled, maybe in about 100 years it will be as big as Big Daddy Book here in this slightly altered old drawing above, drawn last Thursday.

The picture of the jiggaboo with the tree below, represents blackface minstrelsy in the 1930s.

Tree-Baby says, "Mr. Jacob, what lulzy things will you write of on this blog?"

Mr. Jacob responds, "Well, Tree-Baby, I guess whatever comes to mind. Old drawings, new drawings, animations, personal thoughts, scientific theories, politics, plans for world domination, shoops, whoops, woops, lulz, lollercaust, whatever!"

Tree-Baby: "OMG!!!"

So, welcome to my blog, and may your wishes come true!!



CONGRATULATIONS JACOB, on your very first post. May it serve you well.

AC/DC and the film industry.

I'm both a film enthusiast and a hard rock listener, and so it was only logical for me to combine two of my loves into one post. First, I'm going to ask each and every one of you to take a look and a listen to this video here (hosted lovingly by Youtube.com):



Have you ever heard this song before? Powerful, distinctive guitar riff. Gritty, rough-around-the-edges vocals. Makes for an amazing hard rock track, right? Well, I would hope that you've heard it, or you have ostensibly been living under a rock for the past few decades. This has been used in car commercials, television shows, films, and cartoons. Lewis Black used it for his Daily Show segments. They used it in the ad campaign for Men in Black II. Two of my personal favorite examples are from The Brak Show and School of Rock. The former example has the titular character doing a bad air-guitar rendition of it. The latter has the song featured quite prominently, even having Jack Black (who recorded a cover of it with the Foo Fighters, if I'm not mistaken) rocking out to it in a van. The next song might not be as well known, but I'll put it on anyway.



This is, I think, my favorite AC/DC track, simply because it's so completely, unerringly powerful, even more than a lot of their other songs. It talks about knife fights, explosions, and women, and I think it's a really good song with a powerful driving guitar riff. This song has apparently not been used in nearly as much as Back in Black, which is ostensibly their most recognizable tune. However, the San Francisco Giants use the song when they play at the AT&T Stadium *annoyed grunt,* and a few other sports teams (don't ask me which; I'm not a sports guy.) It was also used in the Ad campaign for Napoleon Dynamite, one of my personal favorites, although surprisingly, it's never been used on the TNT broadcast network.



This song is instantly recognizable as well, possibly more than Back in Black. People at least know this song's title (because more of it is usually used than just the beginning,) and I'm sure that it's been used in a plethora of films, television programs, and especially advertisements. I can think of several off the top of my head--Wild Hogs, School of Rock; mainly stupid comedies with lots of hard rock. It seems like a biker song, but it's good for non-bikers too. It's also probably been used more frequently than "Walking on Sunshine," which most people probably pass off as being impossible.



This one actually annoys me quite a bit. It's a fine song, being just as heavy and powerful as all of the others, but one thing that bothers me the most is how self-referential it is. The song seems to be about music (although like most of their songs, it could just as well be about sex,) and if any musician plays it, whether it's a rock god or a teenager with a guitar who thinks that he's way cooler than he actually is (again, I can name several of both off the top of my head,) they'll get the song. I suppose it's just not my favorite. Again, this song was used in School of Rock, and probably in a few other things.

Again, this post really has no practical purpose. It's just more random crap about stuff that I like. Once people actually read my blog, I might begin to post some stuff that people care about.